The Great Scheme
October 16th, 2007 by park
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever “have it figured out”. At this stage, I seriously doubt it. I have no real life, no job that is rewarding in any real way, and the people in my life who love me just want me to do what they want. Funny, where was all this attention when I was younger?
Now, suddenly, at the great esteemed age I have achieved, everyone takes notice of me? That’s ridiculous. I literally begged for attention and guidance when I was younger, but nothing came of it. Later, when I finally realize it’s me versus the world…everyone wants to not only help, but tell me precisely HOW to go about living my life. Nevermind that I might have a few clues. Forget the fact that I’ve gone THIS long with only minimal support. Suddenly my life is priority number one.
You know, nothing helps along a state of mental depression like feeling completely out of control. And right now, that’s precisely how my life is going. Spiraling out of my own hands, with the intent to help me.
Must I be shattered upon the rocks, rebuilt and made anew because I don’t fall into some neat little mold? Am I supposed to be stitched back together into some Frankenstein’s monster of socialization?
I know what to expect. I know what’s out there now. What I don’t know is how to get there without breaking the villagers around me.
Wow, this is getting forlorn. All is lost, woe is me. Sheesh. Maybe I should join those emo kids and start slicing their skin. Sorry, not gonna cut myself to prove a point…but they seem to like it alright.
Pardon me, I have to find my balls for a job interview. Good luck to me I guess.